My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
