Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
