I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
