U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i now understand why vodka
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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