I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
