I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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