I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
