It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
