I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Small penises have feelings too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
