all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
