I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
