My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just had sex on a roof
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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