his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
