I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My balls are so social today.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
