Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
