So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
