Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He felt like a one man threesome
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In other news, I just burned my penis
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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