omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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