By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
