I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
