He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
