I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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