you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
