If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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