dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
