totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
