btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
