someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
