we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
