Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
