I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
