Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
