I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
