i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
