nut hugger
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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