I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
