Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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