I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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