the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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