It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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