I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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