Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
