I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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