so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
