I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
