I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
