somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
