The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Terrible idea I love it
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
