he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
