That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
