The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
