Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
