The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
