I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
