If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
